Dear Lisa Ann: Facebook relationships, the long-term consequences of a porn career and psoriasis advice

Former No. 1 Adult Film Star Lisa Ann has been putting the “fantasy” in SiriusXM’s Fantasy Sports Radio every Monday night at 10 pm ET for awhile now, but she also knows a thing or two about real life. Each week, she’ll be answering your burning questions about sex, relationships and her personal life. This time around, she’s tackling: The difference between Facebook friends vs. real friends, managing her Psoriasis, and the after effects of a career in the adult film industry.

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Dear Lisa,

About three years ago I was on Facebook and I got a friend request from a girl the same age as me who had over 50 mutual friends, so I decided to accept her. She messaged me to say she had added the wrong person, but from there we just got to talking

She is a beautiful girl and we started chatting about once or twice a week about random stuff. I suggested we hang out sometime, but she said that she didn’t know me that well, which is understandable. But then she also wrote on my page that I was her best friend. We never Skyped or anything because I didn’t have a webcam three years ago.

Anyway, I haven’t messaged her on Facebook for two years because she has been in a relationship and I want to respect that. Although I have seen her on the bus a few times since she goes to a school nearby mine, I mostly stand on the bus and she walks past me. I find her so beautiful that I can’t bring myself to talk to her on the bus. She obviously knows who I am but she doesn’t acknowledge me when she walks by.

Seeing her on the bus last week makes me want to reach out to her and talk to her again, but I’m confused why she calls me her best friend on Facebook but then she says she won’t go out with me because she doesn’t know me well.

I would like to know what you think she might be thinking and what I should? Should I contact her or not?

Thank you,

Confused Facebook Friend

Dear Facebook Friend,

I see a common confusion in the world today about what is real and what isn’t, and it all stems from social media. Yes, I do understand that some people meet on social media and become friends in real life, but more often than not, it just stays where it is. Facebook is one of the greatest networking tools we have, but that networking doesn’t always translate to actual friendships.

When you say you have seen her on the bus and she has walked by you, she may not know that it is actually you, her friend on Facebook. In my own experiences, I have not recognized the “real” person, because many people look different in the photo that they post as their profile picture. It is quite possible that she doesn’t know it is you. I can see you are doing the right thing by respecting her relationship and keeping your social media friendship where it is, on Facebook. You have been clear with her that you want to see her, just as she has been clear with you that she is not comfortable with that since she doesn’t know you. While you are good about respecting her relationship, you may want to be even better about respecting her space. The last thing you would want to do is scare her away. I see a lot of people becoming obsessive over social media friends and I have had to explain many times that while I may chat with them online, I would not be comfortable meeting them in person.

As for her posting that you are her “best friend” on Facebook, remember actions speak louder than words. Though she posted those words, her actions have also spoken clearly that she wants to leave the friendship where it started. I hope this answer gives you some clarity and you can now go out and meet someone new.

– Lisa Ann

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Dear Lisa Ann,

How do you handle your Psoriasis? I have it, especially in the wintertime.

– Todd

Dear Todd,

The first step for me was accepting that I will always have Psoriasis, but if I learned how to manage it properly I could avoid it flaring up and resurfacing. Let’s take that and start with managing Psoriasis in the winter. What you are experiencing is the break down of the waxy, protective coating of your skin. So moisture is everything, especially in the winter, when the air can be extremely dry.

I always sleep with a humidifier, especially in the winter. So put a humidifier near your bed and run it while you sleep and you will immediately see a big difference. Next, I recommend a heavier moisturizer in the winter that you have to apply after every singl shower. The best time frame to apply moisturizer is within the first five minutes after your shower, because your skin is still damp and your pores are open and receptive to channeling the moisturizer deeper into the layers of your dermis. But avoid all products with alcohol and chemicals. I use straight coconut oil in the winter and it makes a huge difference. The next step is looking into the chemicals in your house, the more natural you can go, the less resistance you will have from your Psoriasis.

Psoriasis is an inflammatory condition and what you ingest has just as much to do with it as what you apply to your skin. Try to avoid alcohol, junk foods, dairy products, red meat, gluten and condiments. I know it all sounds like NO fun, but I haven’t had a psoriasis flair up since I removed things from my diet, researched the chemicals I was using for my laundry and household cleaning, and never skipping moisturizer. You have this summer to make your lists and be ready to manage your Psoriasis properly next winter. We are in this together, so I will be looking forward to hearing your progress.

– Lisa Ann

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Hi Lisa,

As arguably the most popular woman in the porn industry, I’d like to ask; from your experience, what do you think the consequences (if there are any) are of working in the industry?

I am writing a piece for my college project and am unable to find a clear answer to this question, so I was hoping you could provide an insight into this for me to include?

Thanks,

Curious Student

Dear Student,

I would say the biggest consequence while working in the industry was the impossibility of dating someone who was not in the industry. Now that I am no longer in the industry, it translates similarly, but in a very different way. The image that I created while I was working in adult films creates confusion in real life and most people feel entitled to have a piece of me. To clarify that point, most of the interactions that I have are heated debates about why I should have sex with someone that not only do I not know, but someone I am not interested in and have no desire to be with. I will get a verbal justification of who they think I am along with what they think I was.

At that point in the debate they are unable to comprehend that I just don’t go around having sex with random people. I also experience endless people offering to pay to have sex with me. While I got paid to have sex on camera, I have never gotten paid to have sex with a stranger or to be alone with a stranger. I tell anyone interested in getting into the business this: “Doing porn is like getting a BIG tattoo on your face, everyone can see it and everyone reads it that you deserve no respect!”

I know that sounds harsh, but like I said, even though I am now on the outside, I find myself spending endless hours a day trying to protect myself, my space and my privacy. So I would say there is a long list of consequences that come along with being active in the adult industry, the number one being a confused perception of the actual person I am. I have learned to manage it and hope to help and prepare the girls who may leave in the future for what is in store for them in their new life.

– Lisa Ann