Dear Lisa Ann: How to arrange friends with benefits, getting back in the game and reading a woman

Former No. 1 Adult Film Star Lisa Ann has been putting the “fantasy” in SiriusXM’s Fantasy Sports Radio every Monday night at 10 pm ET for awhile now, but she also knows a thing or two about real life. Each week, she’ll be answering your burning questions about sex, relationships and her personal life. This time around, she’s tackling: The difference between Facebook friends vs. real friends, managing her Psoriasis, and the after effects of a career in the adult film industry.

Dear Lisa Ann,
I’m a 23-year-old relatively handsome Brit who has just exited a long term relationship. I’m trying to get back in the game, but I’ve forgotten how to flirt. Please help!
– Ready to Get Back in the Game

Dear Ready to Get Back in the Game,
I always suggest people take some time to themselves between long-term relationships. This time is very valuable to reconnect with yourself, your friendships and to create new friendships. Some of the happiest couples I know were introduced through friends. Friends are a perfect way to do the pre-screening of potential dates as they often know us better than we know ourselves. Take your time and create a new space for yourself, a new hobby, travel to new places, even take a cooking class to open up to conversations with strangers that might ultimately lead you in the direction you want to go. Don’t rush it, take your time.

My last piece of advice, don’t over mention your previous relationship to whomever you meet next. In my adventures of dating, my number one turn off is listening to the bitter tone of the relationships of their past. It shows me that not only are they not over the breakup, but if we don’t work out, they will be talking about me to the next girl they date. YIKES. The new girl should get new, positive conversations filled with the stories of all the adventures you took while you were single.

Good luck, get out there and have some fun while you are single!
– Lisa Ann

Dear Lisa Ann,
How should I tell a girl that I want to be friends with benefits only? I don’t want to lose my chance with her.
– Friends with Benefits

Dear Friends with Benefits,
This is a good one, actually one of my expertise as well. I have only had one serious relationship in my entire life, which was the only time I have ever lived with someone and totally shared my life. So I am the master of friends with benefits and I have many. The first step is 100% honesty from the get-go. This conversation HAS to happen before the first “benefit” takes place, otherwise it can be misleading. We all value sexual relationships differently and for some it can be just for fun, but for others it takes the relationship to a more serious level instantly. I suggest you are open and honest and state your case. My conversations start by saying that I like to live a very free and curious life. I have a full schedule with lots of friendships and not a lot of time to offer a real, committed relationship. I am very clear about it, I explain that I am not looking for a serious relationship, but that I would like to have someone I trust to have the occasional fun with. I also want to express the importance of having safe sex.

The key to friends with benefits is being open and honest from the beginning. Take this advice and carry it with you and I am sure you will have a lot of fun!
– Lisa Ann

Dear Lisa Ann,
I was wondering if you could give me some insight on reading when a woman may want to just hook up or when she is looking for something more serious. I have never been great at nonverbal communication and could use advice as it has been some time since I had a steady girlfriend. 
Sincerely,
How to Read a Woman

Dear How to Read a Woman,
I answered this one right after the last since it is a total role reversal. You can read the question and answer above and put yourself in her shoes. All new relationships are about communication. If you feel unsure and you are waiting to read the new relationship, I advise you ask some questions. Write down what your questions are and look over them. Prepare what you want to ask, ask with kindness and an overall sense of wanting to know how to direct your emotions in this new relationship. Once you are ready to ask the questions, prepare yourself to potentially hear answers you don’t want to hear. Honesty can be brutal, but worry and doubt over time is way worse. Take the time to have an open dialogue, this is the beginning of training yourself to have better relationships for your future. Relationships free of doubt, concern and insecurity.
– Lisa Ann

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