Dear Lisa Ann: Rekindling relationships, addictions and being stranded on an island

Former No. 1 Adult Film Star Lisa Ann has been putting the “fantasy” in SiriusXM’s Fantasy Sports Radio every Monday night at 10 pm ET for awhile now, but she also knows a thing or two about real life. Each week, she’ll be answering your burning questions about sex, relationships and her personal life. This time around, she’s tackling: Rekindling the flames in relationships, addictions and being stranded on an island.

Dear Lisa Ann,

I have been a fan of yours for many years and have really enjoyed your transition to fantasy radio host. I am in a relationship with a woman I love, but have lost the attraction to her since we met 10 years ago. I find myself paying close attention to other woman and find that I get aroused by them more than my girlfriend. When we first met, she used to dress and look her best. Now, I mostly get the plain look as if she has no confidence. We moved in with each other five years ago and prior to that we saw each other on weekends. I don’t know what to do. I am really attracted to confident women in heels but I know that looks aren’t everything. What advice can you give to me?

– Wandering Eye

Dear Wandering Eye,

In life everything will eventually lose some of its luster. When we are faced with this thought, we ask ourselves “What can I do?” If this was silver, you’d polish it. if it were your car, you’d wax it. What I’m saying is you would work at making it shine again. The same rules apply in love, relationships, friendships and careers. We have to work to bring back that shine. In a relationship, comfort and routine can play a part in the loss of some luster, so you have to work to add some sparkle and excitement. Making plans to go out will force both of you to make an effort and dress up.

When you are out having a nice dinner or taking a walk, you are away from the comfort of home, potential of the TV being on and all of the things that come between the connections of the two of you. The simple act of picking up her favorite flowers for no reason can also add some sparkle. You also have to take some credit for a 10-year relationship and remember it is something you wanted and you still want. Be proud of the commitment instead of being distracted by what you think you are missing. Each time you drift, remind yourself about what you have. I also suggest walking back in time a bit. Do you have old photos of some spots you used to go together? If you can, make plans to go through your past and rekindle that spark to help you live a life filled with love, commitment and passion.

– Lisa Ann

Dear Lisa Ann,

I’m 19 years old from Africa. Ever since I started watching your porn videos, I have been addicted to it. Each time I try to stop it I just can’t. This has made my life so disappointing. How can I break free from addiction to porn videos?

– Addicted to Porn

Dear Addicted to Porn,

I would say with no exaggeration this topic is 50 percent of the emails I receive. The topic isn’t as important as the actual word addiction. All addictions share the common trait of becoming obsessive, controlling and consuming. I’ll give you all a very simple example for me: Pizza. Yup, I love pizza. I could eat it every day. And when I was young, I did eat it everyday. Luckily for me at that time I had a much better metabolism because that would just not work for me today. With that said I want to use pizza to simplify your addiction. I know I love pizza, I also know how easily I could access pizza every day, but I also know that I need more nutrition to live healthy. I also know it isn’t good for my waistline, my energy level and my over all self image. So I let myself have pizza once a month and I enjoy it. Once in a while I cheat and maybe have it twice a month. So with you, try to cut down the days and times you watch porn. When you do watch, log the time in a book and see on paper the hours it is consuming of your life. Limit it, break away gradually and you will find you are happier living a more social life. I also advise all addicts to seek care. I have seen how well support groups work for addiction. I think this would be a good start for you and the other 50 percent of people that email me with the same addiction.

– Lisa Ann

Dear Lisa Ann,

I want to know what three things would you keep with you if you must be alone on an island.

– Kisses from Singapore

Dear Kisses from Singapore,

Your question is fun and made me really think. This was actually one of the first questions emailed to me, yet it took me until this week to answer it. I love how much this made me think and evaluate my life. To me the sound of an island sounds like an endless camping trip, which would be kind of fun. That’s what gave me the clarity of the three things I would want with me on this island. I would like to take my two best friends and their dog, Leon. I know we would survive and thrive on an island and with them I wouldn’t need anything else. Thanks for the thinker, loved the question!

– Lisa Ann

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