Dear Lisa Ann: Long distance love, getting out of the friend zone + more!

Former No. 1 Adult Film Star Lisa Ann has been putting the “fantasy” in SiriusXM’s Fantasy Sports Radio every Monday night at 10 pm ET for awhile now, but she also knows a thing or two about real life. Each week, she’ll be answering your burning questions about sex, relationships and her personal life. This time around, she’s tackling: The difference between Facebook friends vs. real friends, managing her Psoriasis, and the after effects of a career in the adult film industry.

Dear Lisa Ann,

Not looking for a date! I have a girlfriend who lives in Europe, so I’m dealing with the ultimate long distance where we go up to two months without seeing each other. I have to fly six hours from New York to Paris to see her. What is the best way to stay satisfied and happy for the two months off? Thank you and btw, awesome to see how you have transformed your career into two completely different industries. Not easy and very inspiring.
– Frequent Flier from New York

Dear Frequent Flier –

This is a pretty easy question for me because any relationship I have is somewhat long distance due to my travel schedule. The key is seeing each other, which can be easily resolved with Skype. With Skype you don’t have to miss a thing, you can share new things, new thoughts and most importantly, see each other’s face, which really can make the distance seem shorter. I suggest a weekly dinner date on Skype. If you are really clever, you can make the same meal and keep your lap top in the kitchen and talk while you both cook, then you can sit together and enjoy the meal. You can watch a movie together or your favorite show. You will have to be creative with the planning due to your time difference, but trust me, making these things a part of your long distance relationship will build a bond that some people living close to each other don’t even establish. She will love seeing your face more often, so don’t be afraid to surprise her sometimes by dressing sharp and showing her that you are making the effort with all the miles between you. My last and most beautiful suggestion is handwritten letters and cards. We all love to get mail from someone special; it is a lost art. You can start a letter every Sunday, write a little every day and mail it out on Saturday. She will cherish your letters and you will make her feel very special by taking the time out of your day to share your friendship and love on paper.

– Lisa Ann

Dear Lisa Ann,

I’m having a confusing time with this one girl I really like. I’ve been friends with her for about two or three years, but we didn’t start talking on a daily basis ‘til about close to last year. Ever since, I’ve really grown to like her a lot, and I wanna hook up with her hopefully, but at the moment, she doesn’t feel the same way because of a lot of things. I truly wanna date her, but she goes away to school down South. My question to you today is: Do I keep working for it to see if she will change her mind at some point? Or do I just give it up and just keep us as friends?
-Love Limbo from New York

Dear Love Limbo,

In life, friendships with the opposite sex can be more important than “hooking up.” I know that is a groundbreaking statement, but it is real. This is a friendship you both enjoy, and nothing is worth jeopardizing losing that connection. I have asked some of my best guy friends why and how they have never turned on me and started trying to “hook up” with me. Their responses were all the same, they all said “you don’t need another guy who wants to hook up with you.” I loved that response because it is clear and real. It is nice to have guy friends I can count on, respectful relationships that don’t make me eventually feel uncomfortable. There is nothing worse for us girls than when we realize a guy friend we relied on as a friend had a hidden agenda and was ultimately manipulating our friendship as a future plan for sex. You friendship with her will teach you more about women than any of your guy friends ever will. I suggest you respect the boundaries of your friendship and keep it platonic. She will love you forever, and who knows, she may be the friend that one day introduces you to the woman of your dreams.

– Lisa Ann

Dear Lisa Ann,

Recently I’ve given up on dating. Since 2011, it seems women only want to date me for my money, and I feel used. Then there are a handful who just want to have sex with me, but have no relationship with me outside the bedroom. Don’t get me wrong, sex is great, but those who just wanted sex, turned out to be married or had boyfriend. Any advice?
– Down on Love

Dear Down on Love,

With all of the books, TV shows and talk, I think we all can agree dating can be rather tricky, to put it kindly. With that said, let me share a secret I have helped many of my close friends with. First, like minded people have to search out the same like minded people. Income plays a factor, lifestyle as well, so taking those things into consideration is very important. Equal value in dating is very important so that neither party feels slighted or taken advantage of. Always be clear of your requirements, don’t be afraid to ask the serious questions like “Are you single?” and if the answer is no, kindly decline. It is not only bad karma, but it also has no option to grow and offer you the companionship/relationship you are searching for. Rules are good, make them and stick to them.

I suggest finding something you are passionate about in your community. What do you love? What are you passionate about? Years ago I suggested to a friend to get involved with a beach volunteer program and she made an incredible amount of new friends and eventually met a new love interest. When you remove professional factors and find something that you feel good about, you can surround yourself with people who feel the same. Even if you don’t meet someone directly though the activity, you will meet new friends who have met you in a new, productive and positive way. So in a matter of time, through your new group of friends, you just may meet a new love interest yourself. I also advise limiting gifts and spending in a new relationship. Dates can be outdoor, active activities that make you both feel good and help you escape from the day to day with some fresh air. Keeping it simple will show you who is really for you.

– Lisa Ann

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